Dog Humor

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!  Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets.  This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly.  Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans.  Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient.  When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait.  Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'.  Take your time and make sure everyone watches.  This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

8. Hide from your humans.   When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time.  Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee.  As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep.. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

 1.  Both keep moving...even when they are lost.
 2.  Both take up too much space on the bed.
 3.  Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.
 4.  Both are threatened by their own kind.
 5.  Neither understands what you see in cats.
 6.  Both want dominance.
 7.  Both do the dishes by licking them clean.
 8.  Both chase cars.
 9.  The larger ones tend to drool.
10.  The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

 1.  Dogs don't have problems expressing affection in public
 2.  Dogs miss you when you are gone.
 3.  You can train a dog.
 4.  Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
 5.  Dogs understand what "NO" means.
 6.  Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
 7.  When dogs play "fetch", they don't laugh at how you throw.
 8.  Dogs are color blind.
 9.  Dogs understand if some of their friends aren't allowed to come inside.
 

 1.  Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
 2.  Dogs like beer.
 3.  Dogs don't hate their bodies.
 4.  Dogs don't criticize.
 5.  Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
 6.  Dogs never expect gifts.
 7.  Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've ever had.
 8.  Dogs don't let a magazine article guide their lives.
 9.  You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hrs.  a day.
 10.  Dogs love it when your friends come over.
 11.  A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
 12.  Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late - the later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
 13.  Anyone can get a good looking dog.
 14.  Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
 15.  Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
 16.  Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
 17.  Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
 18.  If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
 19.  A dog's parents never visit.

Newsletter HOME